Listening to this I felt almost hurt. It was like the sound of children and men beating food down for their old poor country. It was the sound of pain and hunger. The sound of poverty. I hear big pounds, like someone is using a bat to bang on a heavy door. Then some squeeking and piercing noises, like nails on a chalk board. In the background I hear old men commanding things to little children. But in my opinion, they seem kind of happy. Happier than any other person beating bread all day. The pound is always different, lighter then harder then lighter again. It makes me paint a picture in my head of all the people going around the edges of the dough to make it flat. There's laughter, like someone told a joke. It sounds like cars speeding on a road right in front of them. I hear the wind when the car is approaching, and leaving. But the piercing sound like nails on a chalk board and the pounding like someone hitting a bat on a thick door still sticks out in my head the most.
http://margaretnoble.net/blog/team-roti/
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ReplyDelete1.The part that captured me the most was the first few sentences where you talk about poverty and the men beating food for their country. This captured me because that is exactly how I felt when I heard the sound. I could feel their pain and hunger. I felt deep emotions.
ReplyDelete2.You described the sound by using a smilie. It was “... then some squeaking and piercing noises, like nails on a chalk board.” I understand how you choice this simile. I also think it sounded like someone putting nails to a chalk board. You used some power words like poverty, pounding, and piercing. These words made the image more colorful and crisp for me.
3.There are a couple things I think you could have done to help make your writing better. First thing, you could have said more about how the cars affect the picture; what do they mean? To me, they sound like people driving by who just don't care about what's going on outside of their windows. Second, I think you should have used more similes and metaphors to further enhance the picture you are trying to paint for your reader. For example “I felt hurt like if someone were to fall and break their knee” Finally, you should have used more power words. For example, using dull instead of flat and emotional instead of hurt.